Couples

Couple’s Counseling

Here are the things to know about me and couples’ counseling:

First of all, I want you to know how much I LOVE working with couples. Seriously! While I’m good at other stuff too, of course, relationships are absolutely my wheelhouse. I love to write about, think about, and talk about relationships; in fact, recently published a book about my ideas on relationships and what makes them work or not work. My book is called “Easyish: Keys To A (Relatively) Easy Relationship” and the content of this book informs my approach with couples. (It’s available anywhere you buy books!)

Helping you to problem-solve so that you can reconnect and rediscover the joy of being together is my favorite thing. I am really good at quickly assessing both sides to the situation, naming the issues, and offering practical shifts that can help make things easier between you. I firmly believe that relationships don’t have to be hard and that finding that sense of ease is the key to being happy together. Sometimes, what feels like a big problem can be surprisingly simple to resolve, with a little help from an objective observer.

There are a lot of myths surrounding couples counseling that I would like to dispel. Here is a little bit more information about what couples counseling is like with me:

1. ITS NOT WEIRD. Rest assured, I’m not going to make you do anything weird or awkward that will embarrass either of you. My style is practical, direct, and solution-focused. We will address the current and past issues, and, using non-blaming language, come up with strategies to enhance communication and get you both feeling better and more connected.

2. SOONER IS BETTER THAN LATER. If possible, do not wait until you have reached the point of no return and are using counseling as a last resort before divorce or breakup. Come to counseling at the first sign of a problem, so we can solve it before it boils over into a crisis. Once you are in crisis mode and you come into my office with years of resentment built up, it’s a lot harder to repair the relationship.

3. I AM NOT A MAGICIAN. I cannot solve your problems with the wave of a magic wand, so if you already know you don’t want to be in the relationship, or you don’t want to do any hard work, or you think everything is your partner’s fault, you might want to save yourself a lot of money and time and not come to counseling. Regardless of who has done what, it takes two to co-create a dysfunctional relationship, so you’ll both be expected to take responsibility for your respective contributions.

“Love is a combination of care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect and trust.”

bell hooks